how to climb out of the shag-ness?

sch isnt a place where i wanna go everyday anymore.
un-understanding teachers made me really instant.
its like when im trying to change, i finally found a chance for myself,
teachers dun see it..
i really needa take a break..

i know life isnt always as smooth all time
but i didnt expect it to be this terrible.
i've learn that image is really important sometime..
i dun wish to be perfect, at least normal.

i really have no idea on how to describe my feeling of shag now.
its not the worst but its one of the worst
things shouldnt be real became this real.
i really want to believe that the world are fair.

this morning i just realised there's no one i can turn to..
and from it i found out that wad i really need is to be alone.
tho its empty but it smoothed my feeling..

who believes my soul?
nobodies know who i really am
i've never felt this empty before
even if im alone rolling the empty boat,
the journey continues.

-hitting onto the ground let me realized how high i'd once reach;
-i will make sure the next rise will be above it.


-i , who drew my own life , will paint my own road.
-the color of my road will only represent hopes for everyone, everything.
@12.45am

the day before 28.

its a total turn off.

i know that things arnt always going to be wad we want it to be,
but i really have no idea wads going on sometime..
got confronted at this moment..marvelous!

im always thing why i should work this hard..
i knew i wont be rewarded with wad i want but..
i just cant help but to do this much sometime..
sometime i really wish to go for wad i'm really want.
for my parent , everyone around me , i couldnt.
i gotta hold on to lots while people just regard me as an all-time-free guy..
if i can wish, i will really wish to rest.

i cant expect it to be so random too..
i need to waste a day to cool off other wise wad else can i do?
the more i change the more they are unchange..
did i became an unreasonable person?

all i need is just a bit more of understanding..
how many people actually know how i was feeling?
friends , bros , buddies are all just words..
i really cant find any definition..

the more im all out for others, the more others counter me.

-if i could had a wish , i wish to be by your side.
-i loves to see smiles, im tired as always..
@12.52am

tired..

just back from sch and now going to library to study..
ms lim now then say i'd changed.. wtf..
she's really slow.. -.-

man.. still got 7 board to go!

-find the very thing that keeps u move on.
@4.45pm

is it better or is it worst? my desire are almost turning into obsession i guess..
if i can see it , feel it , does it means that i'm given a chance to overcome it?
giving up is out of question, ima fight for this time round.

today sch just seems to be normal..
i didnt fall asleep during any lesson not even physic but
only fall asleep for 15min during the last math lesson.
as usual , the sleepiness knock me off whenever i got bored.

im picking up back a hobbit that i'd lost 4 years ago.
im starting to read again.. reading text book is like asking me to sleep
but reading a story book can smooth my mind and ease my footstep.

tired tired sleepy sleepy now i want to sleep!

-whenever there's rise , there will be fall.
-i wont endure failure coz i enjoy it instead ; nothing can make me feel as awake then this.
-i wont enjoy my successes for long coz thats when my emotion will take over me.
@10.09pm

time by time i felt lost but time by time im being force to find myself back.
somehow im sooo attracted by her for dunno wad reason.. -.-
somehow i just cant kick her out of my mind sometime.. LOLS
just ate some durain and realized my bro dun find it stink but he dun eat it -.-
now im enjoying my nights by typing and reading again hahas..
i like to form up some wired sentence too.. thats really stupid of me man..
wad to do? LOLS.

-one who touches the sky on the peak of the mountain ; touches the dreams.
-appreciations allow one to connect with the earth.
@11.49pm

changes

now, im starting to have fear for O level.
i dun really care since the starting of the year till now..
say i'm change or w/e but i really want to strive for it..
the last thing ima do for secondary sch..
i have at most 1 month more to do it.
or i should say 3 week to revise and 1 week for my art boards..
i dunno but i really gotta have enough of rest from now on.

bought a speaker and changed my room a bit..
the feeling ofcose, is better.
other then all this, nothing much really happen today..
it is the 3rd time that i'd been dreaming about her.. wtf?
i have dreams but i have no plan.
the time is now.

-never let the fear u had in you swallow your dreams.
@7.32pm


ohh btw i'd change my pair of specs too..
needa wait till thurs to collect it. it cost me 350!
and i still need a pair of shades.. wish me luck man..

-dun let ur mind suck in all the unwanted burdens.
@7.42pm


somehow i just couldnt let myself to feel free from trouble..
no idea why things are also as happening..

anyway, im starting to fall in love with my new house..
the scenery an everything esp the environment..
now i can only hope that my health allow me to do more.
i want to do more too. i believe its possible yea?
if i ever found the motivation should i be using it wisely yea?
hope i wont be late tml!

-possibility is always living within the impossibility,
-i gotta believe in it in order to live within it.
@12.04am

my printer fail..

just realised my print cant be compatible with glossy paper.. LLOLS!
ohh btw just woke at 12+ its.. kinda supprising..
ima going to take a break till 3+ before i start any work..
sometime, i really hope i got the power to purchase lots of things..

giving all out on weekend.. w/e shet also..
oh and i'm kinda feeling bad on unable to help her to print..
and im fed up with my printer as in i cant print the thing i want too..
LOLS!

-have a break before u broke down
@3.00pm

if that thing really happen, ima fed up man!
@3.25pm

went out to have dinner with my parent at botanic garden..
the food are really great! beyond my expectation.. hahas
just took a quiz on fb and it seems to be quite accurate..
the quiz allow me to understand myself even more!
there's really time i need to learn more altho i'm already busy enough with work..
things arnt always enough..
ohh btw im allow to buy a DSLR man!
with the DSLR, i will be allow to pursuit my hobbie even further more!
i just cant wait to finish my O man!
i wanna take a look outside singapore man!

oh yea im tired.. but still i gotta force myself finish some pages of the story book! X.x

-time may not always be on ur side, but u can always chase for it!
@10.52pm


sometime things can be really random
i didnt expect to change but somehow i really did trying my best to change..
im still lookin for the reason behind it.
is it because finally im willing to let go of something?
or is it because its just another coincidence?
this time round it dun seems like for short..
no matter wad, its time for me to pursuit wad i'd always been dreaming about.
i dun want just a dream to come true, i want everything to come true.
say im greedy say im crazy. but i guess without all this goals,
i wont be able to change or carry on.
i'd just realised how bad my situation were in the past..
its totally beyond imagination..

despite of all those, i guess im looking more then just changes in me.
i wish to go for deBest of wad i can do.
time to strive for my hunger for success!

-never underestimate any choices.
@2.01am

why try to dig the possible out of impossibles?

it should be a good start this morning but my form teacher
ruined it by starting off with scoldings again.
i dun think i deserve this much of scolding really..
i'd change but she didnt see , who's fault? mine?
i'd done my part as a student but she didnt see, who's fault? mine?
i'd took others people's advice and she didnt, who's fault? mine?
i'd start to work hard she did'nt know , who's fault? mine?
sometimes i tried to mould myself into the type of student she want but..
the type of student she want is too over..

however, things gotten better after her lesson..
during 1st half of the lesson i learn something again.. hope i dun forget it..
after that i missed the pe lesson coz of some idiots..
art lesson is always the lesson i'd been looking forward for..
cant find any other word to discride it other then FUN!
and i mention to zul the name already lols!
somehow he kept encourage me to go for it but i dun think i should.

after sch i went home to slp..
after a long tho, i'd decided to be a social smoker.
dunno why but.. i believe there's time that i should give all out..
i still want to live my life in all way i can.
and i'd sort out a list of things that i wana get..
1)iphone 4g
2)laptop
3)DSLR
4)a digital cam
5)speaker
6)perfume
7)some etc for my room
gonna cost up to near 10k i guess LOLS!
iphone 4g i guess its 1.25k
laptop i take it as 2k
DSLR i take it as 3.5k for a good one
digital cam i take it as 500
speaker i want boast one! should cost ard 1.5k
perfume should be 100
etc for room should be 150
total: 9.5k LOLS!
sounds abit crazy..
after that i wanna travel after my O level.
its my only time to make good use of my DSLR!

gotta plan wad job to do too..
time to plan for everday's timetable for this month.
oh yea she passed my some glossy paper and asked me to print something
hope i will remember.. -.-
its kinda.. scary.. LOLS!

oh yea and on the 5th of aug i gotta do deferation for NS! -.-
going back to centris later and maybe going out.

-be proud with the scars u got from previous attempt.
@5.23pm

didnt expected the unpredicted's

the predicted thing really happen.. LOLS
but still the unpredicted can never be predicted..
when good times had hit the peak, the next thing is it will fall..
i really gotta rush my work.. man..
8 board to go in 8 days..
gotta revise maths siences and geo and ss..
english im still stuck too..

ohh btw i really didnt smoke today..
tho today isnt a really enjoyable day but..
i tried to make everything seems to be on track..
create chaos when the silents emerge..
try to sleep when there's chaos..
LMAO!

however, there's still a secret that cant be leak no matter wad..
time to sleep again~

-the more ur unchange the more they change..
-the more u go the futher it will end..
-the more ur change , the more the earth will rotate.

-creating unnecessery misses may be fun but its for sure deadly.
@6:57pm



just realised that the situation is'nt wad i'd always tho it is..
tho its kinda dissapointed , sadden but still , the feeling is still better compare to the past.

now, i already cant wait till holiday to reach.
i want to TRAVEL! i want to buy a DSLR! i want to buy a LAPTOP!
i want to DIVE! i want to do a lot of thing! i want to understand more about life.
before all those, i wish i have enough time to do my revise still.. X.x
btw, should i share with zul of the thing tml? LOLS! i beat he will laugh man!

-the provenence of random-ness can never be detemined..
-deUnpredictable's.
@10.44pm

the waking post.

today im in fear of falling in love with her.
she always give me a feeling that able me to get back to the right track..
somehow i guess i'd already fallen in love with her smiles..
i dunno why its aways the eyes and smiles of the girl that made my heart melts.
tho today she's quite hot too..

other then this, i've no idea why the idea of keeping this friend for forever keep running thru my mind.
i wont feel fear when i'm trying to get near to her other then fearing of falling in love with her.
petals of the same flower won't always falls on the same spot. life isnt always the same.
i guess i'd change too.. even tho i'd change , there's a fact that wont change.
i cant be with her. things will get complicated if this goes plublic..
the feeling of admiring her makes me feel happier too..
i guess the world are realling rotating now..

the other thing is that now, before i even leave the sch, im already missing the sch..
im not sure is it because in sch i can see her so i miss sch every now and then,
but there's one thing for sure, i really have some friend in the sch i will lose when the day we leave.
this sch is really truely my 2nd home. lifes. wad are the actually defination of lifes?
im always in fear of lossing something..
but i always have to loss something. i know that it wont be the last tho its not the 1st too.
its time to let myself to move on that's why i created a blog again..
altho somehow, the number 21 always seems to follow me but this time round,
its a better feeling.

now exam is reaching, i gotta prevent myself for falling deeper into her smiles.
wad should i do man.. lmao!
whenever i think of her, there's either worries or laughter only..
oh yea why do i have the urge of quitting smoking after i heard she said it stink?
i guess shet really happen man.

oh yea , after see-ing mr yip's cert file, it motivated me a lot..
i'd just passes my diving lisence but now it motivated me to get life saving cert..
btw i saw shahid's facebook and saw the team fighting for yog,
it kinda make me jealous but kinda motivated me too..
tho i cant do as much as them coz its too late but i will maximize the time i'd left for now.
i hope i wont forget wad i'd said tonight.

i'd also learn something new today when i stay back for w/e reason it is..LOL!
staying back after sch isnt that bad..
it teaches me a lot different things every time i stay back.
i'd also realised why i'd always hated the sch so much in the past..
its not that i hate de sch but it's just that i need a long break..
a really long break.. that enough me to let go of the previous her.
dun ask me why or how i know.
i knew it because now i'd fallen in love with her, the sch and even staying back after sch.
LOLS! i mean i knew because i knew it.. LMAO!
altho its saddening whenever i cant see her when im stay back in sch.. WOOT!

today's racial harmony day is the best out of the 5 years too..
i finally found some even that i can insert into my childhood memory..
letting or sepration is sometime a second chance to invite the better one,
tho its not always gonna to be a better one but, if its a worst one , i will be wise,
but if its a better one, i will not just be merrier but i will be able to see evenmore things.
maybe this is wad lifes means for me.. HAHAS!

ohh btw i gotten learn how to see things more clearly too
and how to treat people in the right way..
its not that i'm really bad at it now but
its time for me to learn even more.

now, i realised i changed almost every season.. ROFL!

-this time round, the feeling of amiring her tho is kinda bitter, but its not just sweet too, its wonderful!
-i will fight hard today for yesterday's re-grates.
-10.54pm